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Dating Realities: 6 Overlooked Truths & What To Do About It

Good dating coaches offer helpful yet similar strategies because we’re all human: People are different but the dating process and experiences don’t vary that much. Want to know the single greatest dating advice most coaches won’t tell you?

No strategy can replace the time and effort it takes to find the right partner.

Everyone skips over this because it’s unpleasant. But acknowledging this basic truth is key, whether you’re just starting out or an expert in the field. 

The 6 overlooked realities below and how to manage them will instantly improve your dating mindset and chances of finding that special person. These should be etched into your dating brain. 

1. Numbers Game. You’ve heard or said “it’s a numbers game” many times but you can readily lose sight of this. Finding the right companion, whether it’s for a long term relationship or something casual, is not that different from looking for a dress, car, house, or job. But it is trickier because you’re looking for a partner, so the stakes are higher and there’s greater emotional investment.

It’s also challenging because so many things have to line up. It’s why the good news and bad news about dating apps is the same: They help you find more wrong people faster. But matching with someone while you’re sleeping, working, or at the gym is a good thing since everyone’s busy and increasingly meeting online. 

Reality: Dating is a numbers game you can’t rush or avoid. Relax and play it one date at a time.

2. White Hot & Random. If you knew exactly where and when to meet your person, you’d jump on it. The timing and mindset each of you occupies when you meet is random and impacts everything, even chemistry. Who’s on the same dating app at the same time as you with parameters that match up is also random and out of your control.

Dating platforms and the choices we make are not as reliable or systematized as we fool ourselves into thinking they are. And the dynamic of appropriately matched people can change in an instantwhether they’re together for a day, week, month, even a year or more. As straightforward as people appear to be, they’re complicated. You’re complicated. Even if people weren’t complex, their lives are. And you often don’t know enough because people withhold valuable information and circumstances change.

Reality: Pairing up and the dating scene are random and white hot. Don’t be surprised if things turn on a dime without warning. Be ready to move on without hand-wringing or overthinking.

3. Selective. You’re allowed to be as particular or judgmental as you like and to decide when to give someone a second chance. You need to be instinctively selective. You know what you like, what you want, what works for you. So, go with your gut. You’re supposed to swipe left on 90% of people precisely because most people are not people you want to hang out with. That’s not cynical, it’s the truth.

Reality: Don’t swipe right indiscriminately. Be thoughtful about who passes through your filter. Initiate matches only with people who really strike you.

4. Over Caring. Do you care too much about every match and interaction? Do you feel anxious, desperate? Do you swipe mindlessly or obsessively, allowing technology to control you? Do you care too much about partnering up? Being consumed with meeting ‘the one’ or pairing up in the first place can jam the mechanism.

Reality: If the process is making you anxious or frustrated past a reasonable point, you’re too caught up, caring too much. Make your choices then go with the flow and let it go. Take a break.

5. Effort. Many of us are so busy or become frustrated that we avoid putting in the time and effort. But engaging in the process is the biggest part of finding the right person for something casual or long term.

Dating is less about strategy or skillset than it is effort. And one of the best strategies relative to effort is to worry less about what you should do than how you should be: yourself. Authenticity is the path to chemistry. When it clicks without thinking, you both know it, it feels so good, and the effort becomes worth it.

Reality: Show up, be yourself, don’t overthink things. Put in the effort and pace yourself.

6. Pay Attention. People don’t just reveal clues about themselves; they tell you exactly who they are and how they’re right or wrong for you. If you pay attention, listening and observing closely to their words and actions, you’ll get tons of great intel to put the odds in your favor. Overlooking, dismissing, denying, not paying attentionall of these will ultimately land you the wrong person.

Reality: Pay close attention to people’s words, actions, qualities. Believe what they reveal and consider what motivates them. There are more indications available about the other person and your suitability than you realize.

Revisit these 6 timeless reality checks whenever you find yourself getting anxious or frustrated. Good things take time and require effort. Try to relax and have fun with it, or at least don’t get too caught up. It will happen in time.

To identify your Critical Compatibilities™ and instantly start finding better matches now click here to take the free 90 second quiz.