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If you’re generally an organized person who keeps everything in its place and functions day to day in a relatively clean and orderly manner, you’re more likely to get along in close quarters with someone who’s similar in style. Someone who is not organized will likely wig you out.

If you’re not organized and orderly in how you think, how you function, how you manage your life, even where you put things, you may be fine with someone who’s organized or not organized; it might just not matter that much to you.

As with all of the 21 traits, it’s not about judgment; it’s about compatibility. Whatever being organized means to you and to what extent it’s important, it makes a difference when it comes to love in the long term.

The bigger point is to consider these things so you’re aware of your needs before you even start dating someone: Are you yourself organized? Do you need to be with someone who is? To what degree is being orderly and organized? Are there things that will set you off in this area or is it just not that big of a deal?

Maybe being with someone who’s organized is a priority for you, maybe it’s not. Either way, you need to know in advance if this is a trait, and ultimately a behavior, that will impact your relationship. Consider where you need your partner to be on the scale below.

So many little things–that aren’t really so little–need to line up for long term relationship success. Organization is just one of them. Ignore it at your own peril.

To identify your Critical Compatibilities and instantly start finding better matches now click here  to take the free 90 second quiz.

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Depending on your personality and needs, it’s best for you to possess the same degree of certain qualities as your partner; respect is an example. Sometimes you’re better off as opposites. For the secure person, it can work either way.

Most of the time, people don’t really consider who they are or what they need. They’re not self-aware. So, they go on and on and on, from relationship to relationship, and never land; they never know what they genuinely offer and absolutely need, what we call, Critical Compatibilities.

Attachment theory, a branch of psychology rooted in childhood bonding, speaks of 4 styles of attaching in relationships: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. Learning your attachment style, and the kind you pair up with best, is an exercise worth exploring. That’s one context for defining a secure person.

A more common definition is someone who’s considered stable, confident, rational, in control of their emotions. As with most of the 21 traits, you can define yourself and your partner in degrees, toward or away the extreme: You can be very secure, somewhat secure, insecure, very insecure, and so on. And it’s entirely possible for you to prefer and relate better to someone who’s not just like you.

For this trait, consider how secure of a person you are first, then how secure you need your person to be.

To identify your Critical Compatibilities and instantly start finding better matches now click here  to take the free 90 second quiz.

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Online dating improves the quantity of people you meet. Knowing your Critical Compatibilities improves the quality.

Your Critical Compatibilities are the traits you identify as your absolute must haves. Not nice to have, must have. This also means identifying traits you need to avoid. This doesn’t mean smoking, politics or other readily knowable habits or views for which people can easily check boxes. It’s about focusing on traits that lead to behaviors that can ultimately determine a good match and longevity in a relationship.

Once you identify these, you’re more than halfway toward finding better matches. The process has been simplified for you into a quick, easy 90 second quiz containing a highly curated list of 21 discrete traits — character defining qualities — that will, in turn, indicate the behaviors that will attract or repel you over time.

Before you create or update your profile, you should first consider the type of person you want to attract or avoid in this context. Similarly, you should keep these priorities in mind when searching other peoples’ profiles and look for those traits over time when dating. You’d be surprised how much you can improve your profile simply by indicating your deeper needs and being mindful of them when searching others’ profiles.

The 21traits quiz and approach makes use of two simple devices: the lens and the filter. How you see and consider people to manifest better matches is your lens. The mechanism through which you allow people to pass through as better possibilities is your filter.

Based on countless conversations and interactions, this highly refined list of revealing and predicative qualities will help you filter out people who don’t have what you need and allow in those who do. These traits aren’t positive or negative; their degree of importance is entirely up to you. Only you can decide which ones are highly relevant, which traits will drive behaviors that will ultimately impact your relationship, for better or worse.

Once you receive your results, you’ll be able to instantly take better control of your relationship search based on exactly what you’ve determined are your priorities, your Critical Compatibilities. Then you’ll have the option of requesting an upgraded profile. Both are free.

You’ll also be able to reach out for rock solid dating and relationship guidance including how to improve your online profile, how to search better, and how to get more suitable matches that put the odds in your favor.

Mutual interests are important but you don’t have to do everything together, certainly not at the expense of incompatible dispositions.

Our mission is to help you clarify exactly what you need in a long term partner and to avoid those who will, over time, ultimately frustrate you. Let’s face it, even the simplest person can become complex at close range and on a regular basis. Your lens and your filter are completely under your control, so you may as well start using them more thoughtfully right now.

Have fun, trust your instincts, and start improving your matches now.

To identify your Critical Compatibilities and instantly start finding better matches now click here  to take the free 90 second quiz.

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Meeting someone while you’re out happens less frequently in part  because people are increasingly busy and wary. Another reason is that online dating enables you to engage with more people, more often, with less anxiety, and on your time frame; apps even work in the background, sending you potential matches while you’re sleeping, working, or out for a run. What hasn’t changed in the real world is that, generally speaking, women rarely initiate encounters while most men just don’t.

So, the good news and bad about dating apps is the same: They help you meet more wrong people faster. Meeting someone online is more productive but not more predictive. Of course, even if you communicate well, texting is cryptic and often misleading, owing to inference, bias, projection, and straight up miscommunication, not to mention the inability to observe and intuit in person. We’ve become dependent on what people look like, no matter how great their profile, rather than on the intangibles and energy of in person exchanges.

When people describe themselves on a dating site, they often mislead you because they’re unwilling to admit certain things, even to themselves. And many are guarded or just not self-aware. So, what you get from their profile is part fact, part fiction. The problem is, you don’t know which is which. This begs the question: What is under your control in this white-hot dating world?

The answer is so simple yet dating sites often ignore it. Aligning on interests and values is important and easy to determine quickly but misses the bigger point: Differences don’t end relationships, behaviors do. And the best predictor of behaviors is traits. People don’t break up because they can’t agree on how to spend the weekend. They break up because of behaviors one person can no longer tolerate from the other.

But what is under your control is identifying the traits that are your absolute top priorities. In other words, being self-aware, thinking it through, and putting the odds of a great relationship in your favor. Yet very few of us do it because it doesn’t occur to us or would take a long time to figure out.

Here’s the good news: We’ve pored over and curated a list of 21 key traits in the form of an easy 90 second quiz to help you. You can take the quiz now or, before you move on to part 2 of this post, ask yourself: What traits and behaviors really attract you? Which ones turn you off? In part 2 we’ll examine your unique deal-breaking Critical Compatibilities to position you to make better matches online and in real life. 

To identify your Critical Compatibilities and instantly start finding better matches now click here  to take the free 90 second quiz.

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Some things to consider: Do you need the other person to make you laugh or simply have a sense of humor in general? How much of a priority is it? How much of it is based on laughing at the same things? If you’re a serious type or less light-hearted, maybe humor is a nice to have, not a must have. Are you fine either way or is it a priority for you? 

The value some place on their partner having a sense of humor is often a dealbreaker: People who value laughter or sense of humor in a relationship often rate it as “Important” or a “Must Have” Critical Compatibility on the 21traits.com quiz. This is a trait that typically travels together, meaning those who seek it often possess it.

On the scale below, assess where you need your partner to be. As with all 21 traits, this determination works even better when you’re self-aware enough to know where you lie on the scale. In this case, this means knowing what kind or degree of a sense of humor you bring to the table.

To instantly identify all of your Critical Compatibilities click here for a free 90 second quiz.

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Some people are so giving that they need to be with a taker. The opposite is also true.

We’re not passing judgment here; we’re strictly helping you assess your Critical Compatibilities for the long run. This has nothing to do with morals, everything to do with priorities.

It’s possible for both people in a relationship to be givers but not for both to be takers. Think about that for a moment. Then think about what you truly need and what you truly offer.

As with all 21 traits, there are no absolutes. In fact, many of us need to strike a balance of giving and taking, both as a giver and taker. There’s a good chance that describes you.

Moreover, people’s needs can change; compatibility and priorities are dynamic. That’s why the expression “we just grew apart” is a common refrain.

On the scale below, assess where you need your partner to be. As with all 21 traits, this assessment works best when you’re self-aware and consider where you yourself fall in the first place.

To instantly identify all of your Critical Compatibilities click here for a free 90 second quiz.

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Before you decide, consider this trait is far more dimensional than it seems. It’s not just about how clearly or frequently someone communicates with us; it’s also about tone, empathy, control, diplomacy, timing, and more.

Rather than evaluate every variation, we tend to determine what works for us intuitively without overthinking; we seem to just vibe with someone or not. That doesn’t mean it isn’t important to know what you need from your partner, how you yourself communicate, and whether it matters if you and your partner have different styles.

Like many of the 21 traits, this one generally needs to line up but every couple has their own way of communicating; there are infinite nuances and subtleties in this area that can allow for a great relationship even if each person has a different style or needs. Given the right motivation, people can adjust and compromise; it’s entirely possible for a couple to figure out their own way of communicating.

Just because someone’s quiet or reserved doesn’t mean they’re not a great communicator.

There are so many variations in how people relate to and inform each other that it’s best to allow the other person’s style to become apparent over time. No judgments, no limits. After a period of time, it’ll be clear: You communicate in a way that works or you do not.

Rate where you’d place yourself on the scale below as to how important communication is to you in a relationship. Then consider where your partner falls.

Decide how much you value communication, how well you and your partner communicate, and ultimately if your styles are compatible. If it’s working for you, great. If not, consider if it’s something you can work on together.

To instantly identify your Critical Compatibilities click here to take a free 90 second quiz.

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If one of you is affectionate and the other is not, odds are low the relationship will stand the test of time. In love language terms, if one person’s primary is physical and the other person is not inclined that way, they’ll likely lead a life of frustration that could lead to indiscretion. Better not to invest in that relationship in the first place.

Intimacy, however a couple defines it, is the ultimate form of affection and generally must line up 100%. An exception is when one person doesn’t mind being touched but doesn’t reciprocate physically or with the same degree of warmth or frequency, yet both are ok with it. It’s a variation that the couple defines; whatever works for them is their business.

For most affectionate people, there’s no substitute for occasional to frequent casual touching, never mind getting twisted up in the sheets. And if words or deeds are how you express affection, that’s perfectly fine; here again, it’s how the couple defines it.

If we take affection to mean demonstrative touching, however subtle or obvious, it’s a trait that typically both people seek and offer.

Without overthinking, rate where you’d place yourself on the scale below as to how much affection you need in a relationship. Then consider where your partner falls.                                                                                   

Affection is one of the 21 traits that should be in alignment. Too far apart and you may have a problem. On or close and the odds of an LTR are in your favor.

To instantly identify your Critical Compatibilities click here to take a free 90 second quiz.

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In other words: How much space do you need?

Some people prefer relationships with a lot of communication and time together. Some prefer the opposite. Others lean toward a balance that’s hard to describe but they know what it is and it works for them.

Whether it’s behavioral (dictated by personality and disposition) or situational (driven by circumstances or proximity) time together is a Critical Compatibility that you and your partner should align on: How much time and space do you need together and apart?

Some things are hard to put in words. Such is the case for chemistry in the first place and independence or relationship space which follow soon after.

To help rate your need for space, plot where you think you are on the continuum below. This will help you visualize and understand with far more precision than words alone.

It’s important to consider your rating in the context of your partner’s rating. For the relationship to work, you both need to fall in the same general area, adjacent if not the same. The numbers are a guide; you can mark yourself anywhere along the scale.

Keep in mind there’s a difference between a person’s ongoing need for space and times when they just need to settle in or get away for a while. We all need to allow for that kind of space.

To instantly identify all of your Critical Compatibilities, click here for a free 90 second quiz.

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