Of course, it’s not always black and white: Timing and circumstances play a role in how flexible we can be at any given moment.

Sometimes we need someone who’s the same as us, sometimes we need the opposite. Sometimes it just doesn’t matter; every trait needn’t be—shouldn’t be—a Critical Compatibility.

Have you considered how flexible you are? Have you thought about your ideal partner this way? Is flexibility important or just something to be aware of in a partner? Knowing each other’s default style enables you to understand and support each other better in the long run. Either way, change is inevitable, whether it’s drastic or minor.

On the scale below, note where you think your ideal partner should fall in terms of flexibility. You’d do well to consider first where you fall, in case it informs how much you value this trait in someone else.

This is a trait that often goes overlooked yet surfaces early on in a relationship. You might care a little, a lot, or not at all about your partner’s flexibility but it’s worth considering whether or not the behavior it indicates is important to you.  

To identify your Critical Compatibilities and instantly start finding better matches now click here to take the free 90 second quiz.

The post How Flexible Should Your Partner Be? appeared first on 21 Traits Relationship Quiz.

If you’ve taken the quiz, you indicated which qualities you prefer in a partner, which ones to avoid, and others you’re neutral on.

But what does each preference say about you?

It’s worth considering which traits you want in a partner to match up identically with those you possess and which qualities you want to complement yours. This contributes to balance in a relationship and increases the chances it will grow and endure.

Some traits tend to be shared and sought by both partners: communication, empathy, and respect among them. Others have no direct correlation and might be more complementary: patience, security, and chill, for example. Next level thinking with your 21 traits results goes beyond clarifying what you need in a partner to why you need it; that tells you a lot about yourself.

If self-awareness is the key to presenting your authentic self and recognizing the qualities you seek in others, you’ll unlock the door to better matches by revisiting your priorities every so often. And you’ll never stop learning about yourself because your needs change over time whether you realize it or not.

When you take the quiz, consider your results in two ways: as validation and focus of what you need overall and as a way to gauge what qualities should be the same, opposite, or somewhere in between. 

To identify your Critical Compatibilities and instantly start finding better matches now click here to take the free 90 second quiz.

The post What Do Your Preferences Say About You? appeared first on 21 Traits Relationship Quiz.

Sometimes, our partner’s energy, be it high or low, open or blocked, is at the very root of attraction. It can work for both partners to have the same energy or disposition; it can work just as well for them to be the opposite.

Recognizing whether your ideal partner is chill vs. high energy or a balance of both, is so important we consider it a Critical Compatibility. Like all of the 21 traits, identifying this preference is entirely up to you and instantly clarified by choosing where they should lie on the scale below.

So, take a look at the scale and note what type of person fits best with your energy and disposition. It’s always a good idea to consider where you yourself fall on the scale, too. This will improve your self-awareness, the cornerstone of attracting the kind of people who should pass through your filter. The middle ground here doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter to you; it means someone who shifts back and forth.

Whether it’s a physical, verbal, or intangible energy, the important point is that you consider whether you’re generally better off with someone who’s chill, high energy, or a balance. Knowing yourself and what you need is fundamental to being emotionally intelligent.

To identify your Critical Compatibilities and instantly start finding better matches now click here to take the free 90 second quiz.

The post Chill: Does That Describe Your Ideal Partner? appeared first on 21 Traits Relationship Quiz.

It’s why dating apps ask you to indicate ‘relationship’ or ‘something casual’ in your profile. We can all pretty much agree on what a relationship is.

But what exactly is something casual?

It could mean hooking up, whether or not you ever leave the house. It could mean dating occasionally without a definitive commitment. Or it could mean you’re in a busy or transitional time, recently broken up, or don’t want the responsibility of a relationship right now.

Sometimes you just don’t know and want to play it by ear. Either way, it pays to be honest with yourself and others about your preferences.

Sometimes people say they want something casual but wind up getting emotionally attached. Unless that happens to both of you at the same time, we all know that’s not gonna end well.

All this begs the question: What are you looking for: A relationship? Something casual? How specific can you be without over thinking it? In other words, what’s best for you right now?

To identify your Critical Compatibilities and instantly start finding better matches now click here to take the free 90 second quiz.

The post Long Term Or Something Casual: What Are You Looking For? appeared first on 21 Traits Relationship Quiz.

No strategy can replace the time and effort it takes to find the right partner.

Everyone skips over this because it’s unpleasant. But acknowledging this basic truth is key, whether you’re just starting out or an expert in the field. 

The 6 overlooked realities below and how to manage them will instantly improve your dating mindset and chances of finding that special person. These should be etched into your dating brain. 

1. Numbers Game. You’ve heard or said “it’s a numbers game” many times but you can readily lose sight of this. Finding the right companion, whether it’s for a long term relationship or something casual, is not that different from looking for a dress, car, house, or job. But it is trickier because you’re looking for a partner, so the stakes are higher and there’s greater emotional investment.

It’s also challenging because so many things have to line up. It’s why the good news and bad news about dating apps is the same: They help you find more wrong people faster. But matching with someone while you’re sleeping, working, or at the gym is a good thing since everyone’s busy and increasingly meeting online. 

Reality: Dating is a numbers game you can’t rush or avoid. Relax and play it one date at a time.

2. White Hot & Random. If you knew exactly where and when to meet your person, you’d jump on it. The timing and mindset each of you occupies when you meet is random and impacts everything, even chemistry. Who’s on the same dating app at the same time as you with parameters that match up is also random and out of your control.

Dating platforms and the choices we make are not as reliable or systematized as we fool ourselves into thinking they are. And the dynamic of appropriately matched people can change in an instant — whether they’re together for a day, week, month, even a year or more. As straightforward as people appear to be, they’re complicated. You’re complicated. Even if people weren’t complex, their lives are. And you often don’t know enough because people withhold valuable information and circumstances change.

Reality: Pairing up and the dating scene are random and white hot. Don’t be surprised if things turn on a dime without warning. Be ready to move on without hand-wringing or overthinking.

3. Selective. You’re allowed to be as particular or judgmental as you like and to decide when to give someone a second chance. You need to be instinctively selective. You know what you like, what you want, what works for you. So, go with your gut. You’re supposed to swipe left on 90% of people precisely because most people are not people you want to hang out with. That’s not cynical, it’s the truth.

Reality: Don’t swipe right indiscriminately. Be thoughtful about who passes through your filter. Initiate matches only with people who really strike you.

4. Over Caring. Do you care too much about every match and interaction? Do you feel anxious, desperate? Do you swipe mindlessly or obsessively, allowing technology to control you? Do you care too much about partnering up? Being consumed with meeting ‘the one’ or pairing up in the first place can jam the mechanism.

Reality: If the process is making you anxious or frustrated past a reasonable point, you’re too caught up, caring too much. Make your choices then go with the flow and let it go. Take a break.

5. Effort. Many of us are so busy or become frustrated that we avoid putting in the time and effort. But engaging in the process is the biggest part of finding the right person for something casual or long term.

Dating is less about strategy or skillset than it is effort. And one of the best strategies relative to effort is to worry less about what you should do than how you should be: yourself. Authenticity is the path to chemistry. When it clicks without thinking, you both know it, it feels so good, and the effort becomes worth it.

Reality: Show up, be yourself, don’t overthink things. Put in the effort and pace yourself.

6. Pay Attention. People don’t just reveal clues about themselves; they tell you exactly who they are and how they’re right or wrong for you. If you pay attention, listening and observing closely to their words and actions, you’ll get tons of great intel to put the odds in your favor. Overlooking, dismissing, denying, not paying attention — all of these will ultimately land you the wrong person.

Reality: Pay close attention to people’s words, actions, qualities. Believe what they reveal and consider what motivates them. There are more indications available about the other person and your suitability than you realize.

Revisit these 6 timeless reality checks whenever you find yourself getting anxious or frustrated. Good things take time and require effort. Try to relax and have fun with it, or at least don’t get too caught up. It will happen in time.

To identify your Critical Compatibilities and instantly start finding better matches now click here to take the free 90 second quiz.

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If you’re generally an organized person who keeps everything in its place and functions day to day in a relatively clean and orderly manner, you’re more likely to get along in close quarters with someone who’s similar in style. Someone who is not organized will likely wig you out.

If you’re not organized and orderly in how you think, how you function, how you manage your life, even where you put things, you may be fine with someone who’s organized or not organized; it might just not matter that much to you.

As with all of the 21 traits, it’s not about judgment; it’s about compatibility. Whatever being organized means to you and to what extent it’s important, it makes a difference when it comes to love in the long term.

The bigger point is to consider these things so you’re aware of your needs before you even start dating someone: Are you yourself organized? Do you need to be with someone who is? To what degree is being orderly and organized? Are there things that will set you off in this area or is it just not that big of a deal?

Maybe being with someone who’s organized is a priority for you, maybe it’s not. Either way, you need to know in advance if this is a trait, and ultimately a behavior, that will impact your relationship. Consider where you need your partner to be on the scale below.

So many little things–that aren’t really so little–need to line up for long term relationship success. Organization is just one of them. Ignore it at your own peril.

To identify your Critical Compatibilities and instantly start finding better matches now click here  to take the free 90 second quiz.

The post Organization: Is It Important To You In A Partner? appeared first on 21 Traits Relationship Quiz.

Depending on your personality and needs, it’s best for you to possess the same degree of certain qualities as your partner; respect is an example. Sometimes you’re better off as opposites. For the secure person, it can work either way.

Most of the time, people don’t really consider who they are or what they need. They’re not self-aware. So, they go on and on and on, from relationship to relationship, and never land; they never know what they genuinely offer and absolutely need, what we call, Critical Compatibilities.

Attachment theory, a branch of psychology rooted in childhood bonding, speaks of 4 styles of attaching in relationships: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. Learning your attachment style, and the kind you pair up with best, is an exercise worth exploring. That’s one context for defining a secure person.

A more common definition is someone who’s considered stable, confident, rational, in control of their emotions. As with most of the 21 traits, you can define yourself and your partner in degrees, toward or away the extreme: You can be very secure, somewhat secure, insecure, very insecure, and so on. And it’s entirely possible for you to prefer and relate better to someone who’s not just like you.

For this trait, consider how secure of a person you are first, then how secure you need your person to be.

To identify your Critical Compatibilities and instantly start finding better matches now click here  to take the free 90 second quiz.

The post Secure: Does That Describe Your Partner? appeared first on 21 Traits Relationship Quiz.

Online dating improves the quantity of people you meet. Knowing your Critical Compatibilities improves the quality.

Your Critical Compatibilities are the traits you identify as your absolute must haves. Not nice to have, must have. This also means identifying traits you need to avoid. This doesn’t mean smoking, politics or other readily knowable habits or views for which people can easily check boxes. It’s about focusing on traits that lead to behaviors that can ultimately determine a good match and longevity in a relationship.

Once you identify these, you’re more than halfway toward finding better matches. The process has been simplified for you into a quick, easy 90 second quiz containing a highly curated list of 21 discrete traits — character defining qualities — that will, in turn, indicate the behaviors that will attract or repel you over time.

Before you create or update your profile, you should first consider the type of person you want to attract or avoid in this context. Similarly, you should keep these priorities in mind when searching other peoples’ profiles and look for those traits over time when dating. You’d be surprised how much you can improve your profile simply by indicating your deeper needs and being mindful of them when searching others’ profiles.

The 21traits quiz and approach makes use of two simple devices: the lens and the filter. How you see and consider people to manifest better matches is your lens. The mechanism through which you allow people to pass through as better possibilities is your filter.

Based on countless conversations and interactions, this highly refined list of revealing and predicative qualities will help you filter out people who don’t have what you need and allow in those who do. These traits aren’t positive or negative; their degree of importance is entirely up to you. Only you can decide which ones are highly relevant, which traits will drive behaviors that will ultimately impact your relationship, for better or worse.

Once you receive your results, you’ll be able to instantly take better control of your relationship search based on exactly what you’ve determined are your priorities, your Critical Compatibilities. Then you’ll have the option of requesting an upgraded profile. Both are free.

You’ll also be able to reach out for rock solid dating and relationship guidance including how to improve your online profile, how to search better, and how to get more suitable matches that put the odds in your favor.

Mutual interests are important but you don’t have to do everything together, certainly not at the expense of incompatible dispositions.

Our mission is to help you clarify exactly what you need in a long term partner and to avoid those who will, over time, ultimately frustrate you. Let’s face it, even the simplest person can become complex at close range and on a regular basis. Your lens and your filter are completely under your control, so you may as well start using them more thoughtfully right now.

Have fun, trust your instincts, and start improving your matches now.

To identify your Critical Compatibilities and instantly start finding better matches now click here  to take the free 90 second quiz.

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